Hey Fellas, it's been a while. I've been reanalyze and try to construct the thought on how to begin from zero to hero and make it a good blog.
Then I am thinking, since I've ran into so many beginners in the past six months. Officially and unofficially coached some, now some of them are doing really well in their dating live and I am proud of them. But personal coaching is a tiring process, mentally and physically...lots of pressure on me. Anyway, I am now trying to write a great blog on how to communicate, date and become one with any extraordinary beautiful woman. Where to begin? You need to approach! First rule of successful dating life is COLD Approach. What is approaching and how to do it...this should be a good topic to begin with...
When you see a beautiful woman across the room, down the street, across the isle, at the end of the bar, right at the next table, etc. Yes, that's your opportunity and if you don't do something about it. This might be your last time to get to see that sweet face. In the fast pace world where everyone is busy working all the time, what is the fastest way to get to know someone? I say "COLD APPROACH", everyday you go do your shore, lunch, dinner, grocery, laundry, bar, etc.
What do you do? You approach! Yes, you COLD approach! Doesn't matter if you have anything smart to say to her, what matter is...you have to approach if you WANT it that bad. What am I talking about? For those of you who are new to approaching, you have to approach anyone so that you will get used to it. You will have to get it in your blood...until there is no sign of nervousness. Or until it feel natural to you to talk to anyone, anywhere anytime. There is no secret, practice makes perfect and it will boost your self-esteem. Trust me, I've been there. And now after years and years of cold approach & lots of dating, I get to pick and choose who deserve to talk to me.
1) Approach!
Simple as that. You see someone who caught your eyes, you MUST approach! Yes, you must! The first rule is the most important rule of all because without it, NOTHING will happen to you. You can live the rest of your life ALONE, if you cannot get a rid of your FEAR. There is no excuse, no obstacle,...it's your life, you have the choice to take ACTION. It must be done, even if you are the worst conversationalist (especially if you are the worst conversationalist, this is the key to get better at it!) You want someone in your life! Go get her! Life is not like a movie, there will be no magical incident that will make you and the beautiful one get to know each other with out taking any ACTION. Your ACTION defines who you are, you are what you make of yourself. Make you own destiny! You must approach, just say 'HI', trust me, you will be better off. Try to keep improve you calibration skill as you go, it is not going to happen over night, over a week, it IS going to take sometime to get good. BUT you have to start somewhere. And to start, you MUST approach!
2) Timing
The second rule of approaching. It's very important, may be the heart of all. REMEMBER! You only have limited time to present yourself then she will make a judgment of who you are within seconds. You have to be able to sum yourself up in an instance! She does not have the whole day to wait for you to tell your life story. Opening is not just about what you say, it IS the "whole package" you represent. Human are very strongly receptive to first visual, then sound, smell, touch and so on (the arrangement are varies from person to person, but it is some form of sub-communication they all have). The truth is, what you say will be the last thing that register in a girl's head. Interesting enough, most openers or lines, itself alone will not be effective at all. You have to give off subtle hints in many ways to sub-communicate with women, from the meet to the close. This is the KEY if you want to get maximum result with your openers. The following attributes are the heart of the matters. If you get them right, half the job is already done even before you open them.
3) Your Style and Look (Grooming)
You can tell a lot about a person by looking at what they put on themselves. Before you even make an eye contact with a woman, she will automatically judge your appearance from head to toe. Physical attribute attracted both male and female because we are visual animal, but you don’t have to be pretty boy or Brad Pitt to get girl’s attention. Looking good doesn’t mean you have to be born good looking. Looking good though requires some effort in research, experiment and maintenance. As long as you are clean from head to toe (women notice even the smallest details and make assumptions at the speed of light). Make sure your nails are cut and clean, hair should be well-styled, free off dandruffs, etc. Body odor also needs to go! You have to make sure you smell pleasant to people around you. As far as your outfit goes, you can keep it simple, easy and conservative (classic) and it would be just fine. Make sure what you wear is up to date and own (at least a pair) of some nice shoes. Or you could go all the way to the other end of the spectrum, so-called Peacocking, if you prefer. Personally, I like it somewhere in the middle, I believe in blending in with a bit of twist here and there on your clothing. Add one or two pieces of accessories into your outfit, like a cool ring, bracelet, or necklace. Make sure they stand out enough, and it would be useful if you had a story to tell about an item. I personally have a pink cell phone, which I always put right next to me; whenever I sit at a bar I make sure it’s visible to eyes. It’s a really good conversation starter either for her or you. Over all, I recommend looking at GQ, Vogue Men, Maxim and see what they wear. You can also ask your female friend (make sure she has good sense of fashion) to go shopping with you. Most of them will be more than happy to help you and give you feedback. Or better yet, make it a goal that your D2 is to go shopping with your target. Try out different styles and see what works for you, try it out in the field and get some feedback. I recommend that you incorporate a couple of different styles. Most importantly, whatever you do to develop your style and look, make sure it speaks for yourself. Look good first, than the rest will follow!
If you are happy, confident and really comfortable with yourself, body language will actually send the message from inside out. Remember you are what you think!
If you are uncomfortable, nervous, fear, it will come off. Any sign of weakness you send of in your BL is a BIG turn off to a woman subconsciously. Every morning, you should try thinking good thought, whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Smile when you go about your day, walk tall (when you walk act as if there is a string pulling you straight from up top), and if you can say “hi” to any passer by. Be kind and friendly to people though don’t confuse kindness with WEAKNESS. Hold on to your center, but be kind. It will make you feel great! People will be automatically extra friendly to you when you have that kind of attitude.
When sit down, take up some space with your arm and make yourself comfortable wherever you are. I do that all the time, even on airplane, I took both side of the armrests and I smiled.
When you stand, stand firm, relax, feet apart around shoulder width. In any set, be still, don’t move around so much except in the high energy situation. Even then, you can still minimize your movement and maintain your grace, control, and confident. ( Tip:Oh! Yeah…think “Grace” when you going about your task, it will come off as grace. Think “confident”, it will come off confident.) Also stay calm in any situation even the worst possible happens be calm and cool or act like it…think before doing or speaking anything at all. Be confident that you will get what you are looking for and be confident that people and SHE will like you. Confident is a KILLER mental state when you sarge.
Most of all, be your BEST self. Whatever you do, be congruence with yourself otherwise it will come off as weird (in a bad creepy way). Take what works for you, disregard what doesn’t. It is a long journey to discover your BEST self. Be patience though live as if there is no tomorrow.
When you speak, speak slowly, gently, clearly, and with authority. Be bold with your words from time to time, play around with it and see what fits you. Don’t speak too loud because you will come off as over compensate for your lack of confident or important. Don’t speak too quiet or it will appear as if you are insecure, shy or worse creepy. Speak in your deep medium tone of voice and if she cannot hear, she will lean into you. Don’t lean when you speak because it seems you are seeking approval, lean back!!! Don’t rush what you are trying to say, be clear and take your time because it shows confident. I personally really like how John Malcovich always sounds, I think it is very seductive and low key. Do not hesitate to speak your mind but be proper and have common sense. Pause here and there in your sentence to build interested and anticipation. If you relax and calm, your voice will appears as gentle and soothing. Give it your best shot.
6) Commitment:
Your level of commitment is what will define if you will succeed your goal. Don’t half asses it! If you want to get good at something, you have to go all the way! Commitment and determination will get you everywhere. Don’t be discourage if your crash and burn in the first few months or sets. If you are new to pick up, try to focus on open effectively and stay in set for longer than ten to twenty minutes. Forget the close for now, it will come when you master your opening and staying in sets. Be friend with everyone in the group, blend in and make them like you. You have to be able to make people like you first and foremost. When you have the ability to make people fond of you, you can then get the girl. Don’t try to be too much of an entertainment monkey or an asshole, be the lovable guy. Focus on being friendly and pleasant to be around. If you already achieve that kind of effect, then you can learn how to bridge, #close, k-close, and final close (I will explain these in detail of how to go about in my hopefully next post). It is a journey of finding your better self, the cool you, pay attention on how you’ve developed socially. Do not, however, go out with the intention of getting laid or phone #!!! You are out to enjoy yourself and have fun!!!
When you open a set, commit to your action and push as far as you can to stay in the set as long as you can. Be part of the set, engage in their moment let them get to know you. Open yourself up to others and getting to know the real them. Girls always love it when someone can really LISTEN to them, more so when they can understand them. Again, don’t go out with any expectation!!! Focus on having fun. I always get great result when I don’t expect anything but good times. One night long ago, I crashed and burned on a few sets and it didn’t go so well then I was a little down. Then I realize what the hell, I am not going to let myself down. So instead of going home because I was off, I continue to enjoy myself and meet up with some wings. We had a hell of a great time and I couldn’t careless if I will closed any that night. I found myself in a great mix set, we were just having fun. At the end of the night, I ended up going home with a beautiful little blond. And it wasn’t luck. It totally changes my reality back then because no matter how bad it could get in a night, you could always turn it around with your attitude.
It is what will make or break you if you don’t channel it right. During night game, if the set has high energy, you have to open them with the same level or higher! In the early days, I usually start out my night with a few mellow sets to get in the groove. Then I would find myself a set with the highest energy, open them and stay in the set as long as I can to feed off energy. At this point it doesn’t really matter if there is any target for me in the set. I am just there to feed off their happiness to charge my energy. This strategy always work, I become fully charged and can open anything in front of me for the rest of the night. When you are happy and high in energy, people will be drawn to you. They will want to be around you and any opening will stick! High energy also directly relate to attraction process. Banters, push & pull always work well with high energy state. Then you shift your energy when you go into rapport. You can always open a low energy set with high energy, they will be more than welcome you. Day game is quite different, you can be high energy but it will be more subtle. You shouldn’t dance around like entertainment monkey doing day game. It’s much simpler, subtle and mostly can quickly shift to rapport any time you want. Anyway, in whatever situation you are in, be aware of your environment and calibrate. Calibration is the key!!! You have to be able to shift you energy at will then you will be very successful communicating with the opposite sex. Observe and feel, analyze then approach.
"Trust yourself, not the routine, YOU HAVE IT IN YOU!"
Opener is simple, yet it is not actually the opener itself that will do the magic for you. It’s all you! Your delivery is far more important than the opener itself. I can just open with “Hi” and that could do me the magic if I decide to continue. It’s everything about you that will get result.
To sum it up: "The 7 Golden rule of approaching"
1) MUST Approach
2) Time is limited
3) Looks and Style
4) Body Language
5) Tone of Voice
6) Commitment
7) Your Energy (mood)
Hope that helps!
And I promise, this BLOG will keep rolling forever...no pause, no stop from now on. I have a great plan!!!
Later Fellas
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