Personality traits that will make her fall for you.

Personality and the Biggest Male Mistake with Women

Have you ever met someone that you felt was just really boring? Bland? Dull? It's interesting, because it's rarely about what a person HAS that adds up to their being boring; it's what they're MISSING. Personality...

Have you ever met someone that you felt was just really boring? Bland? Dull?
It's interesting, because it's rarely about what a person HAS that adds up to their being boring; it's what they're MISSING. A person lacks personality because they are like a song without any hook or catchy riff.

You gotta have personality if you're going to get a woman interested in you.

A woman has to feel that static crackle around you, that you're not like the rest of the chumps with "LOOKING FOR SEX" tattooed on their foreheads.

She wants to see some spark, some glimmer of magical presence that you carry.

A woman walks through life fairly bored with her relationship possibilities. I have a theory that most men don't really challenge them at all. For you to make an impression, you just have to offer her something she doesn't usually get from the salad bar.

Can you excite her? Can you demonstrate a man with qualities that separates him from that pack of wild hyenas?

To snap her out of her stupor, what would you be willing to do? What if I told you that you don't have to do much to wake her up? You don't have to juggle, or dance, or perform acrobatics.

You've just got to stand out from the rest of the guys out there. You've got to be willing to display some PERSONALITY.

What makes up "personality"?

• Mystery - The self-control to keep certain secrets and avoid telling her everything about you.
  
• Humor - Make her laugh
  
• Confidence - The willingness to be independent and not needy of a woman
  
• Originality - Thinking different than the crowd
  
• Excitement and Positivity - The great attitude and energy of a person with a purpose
  
• Hobbies and interests - OTHER than women. This is what it means to "get a life."
  
• Conversational Ability - The ability to communicate with women on a level they can understand and get excited about

There are other, subtler traits that could be talked about in boring detail, but these are the important aspects of projecting a winning personality to women.

If I were to boil it down to just two of these, I'd say humor and conversational ability are the foundation, and the others just serve as polish to make you gleam in her eyes.

If you can make her laugh - a real laugh that says she finds you witty and amusing, without putting yourself down - you will get her to open the door of opportunity for you.

If you can talk to her about that and everything else in between, without making her feel like you're trying to get her into bed, that you appreciate her as unique and special, you'll get to step inside that door of opportunity.

PERSONALITY SABOTAGE

Would you like to know what you're doing that sabotages this along the way?

There's one thing you do that undermines all this effort to get her attracted with your witty conversation, and you have to get rid of it to succeed long term.

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ....
Are you ready for this?

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ....
I'm not sure I should tell you this, but you need to know. It's important ...

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ....
COMING ON TO A WOMAN TOO STRONG.

Now the funny part about me telling you that is that you can hear me tell you this, and you'll even nod your head and say, "Yeah, dude, I know..."

BUT YOU WON'T STOP DOING IT!

Why?

Why can't you stop yourself?

I got in a discussion with a female friend of mine the other day. She came in and told me that she was going to Boston and hoped things would go well on this business trip. She said she thought there was an 85% chance that she wouldn't get all stressed out. I asked her, "Well, what accounts for that other 15%?" She said, "Oh, that's stuff I can't control."

I waited for a beat, then I said, "How you feel and react is 100% under your control. It's whether you CHOOSE to or not. How you react is ALWAYS under your power. No one else makes you do anything."

She wanted to argue with me over whether her reaction was 100% under her "responsibility" rather than control, but I refused to back down. She was just trying to find a reason to excuse herself for not doing things she knew she needed to do. Responsibility is not the same as actually understanding that you are not under some other mystical power or influence. YOU are the one who does everything. By choice.

We could go into a whole circular debate over the nature of free will here, but I won't. You need to take both responsibility AND control of your actions. When you fail to do what you know you must do, there's a REASON. And until you find out what that REASON is, you'll probably never change your behavior.

So back to my original point - why do men come on strong to women?
(Since this is the one part of your personality that will sabotage all your work unless you can control it.)

It's because we're in a hurry. We lack the self-discipline to slow it down.

Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And then we want the space and relaxed distance.
Women want space and relaxed distance. THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

Do you see how this ruins your work?

If you come on too strong, she backs off. If you come on slow and easy (which also demonstrates confidence and self-control) she'll go along with you.

Can you see what you're doing wrong and correct it, without having someone tell you to your face what you may be doing to put them off?

Can you let go of what other people think of you and act based on your internal compass instead of their judgments?

And then can you exercise the self control you need to in order to stop coming on too strong to her? She won't date you or sleep with you just because you push her hard enough. She'll do it because her attraction mechanism inside her is turned on by your personality, and then feeling that she has the space to reach forward and act on her desires with you. She cannot do this if you're all over her like white on rice.

Learn the reasons why you can't stop yourself from doing what you know you should do. Learn what these mechanisms are inside you that keep you from doing the things you know you must, and then change them.

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Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as "Secrets of the Alpha Male", "Approach Women - NOW!", "Alpha Immersion" and "Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion".

How to create sexual tension with any woman

How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension

One thing that is critical for developing attraction with a woman that will lead to your eventual seduction success is learning how to build and nurture the sexual tension between you.

One thing that is critical for developing attraction with a woman that will lead to your eventual seduction success is learning how to build and nurture the sexual tension between you.

Remember that when you first begin to interact with a woman, unless she already has a strong initial attraction for you - sometimes known as "chemistry", you are in a neutral zone with her. This is a place where she has yet to make up her mind as to whether you are interesting to her or not.

Now, you can choose to sift through dozens and dozens of women looking for the few that you have that instant "chemistry" with, but I find it much more practical to stimulate the woman's attraction so that she has that chemistry right away, and then I can choose whether or not to act on my own attraction. It's like getting a pre-approved loan and knowing you COULD go out and buy that new Porsche, but it's YOUR choice.

This, guys, is what seduction is all about. Having your own choice as to whether a woman interests YOU or not, not the other way around.

Back to the Neutral Zone (and I'm not talking about that Star Trek term, either...)

In order to get that tension going - a necessary tension - you need to zap her out of her neutral funk and get her into feeling EXCITEMENT. There are many ways to do this:

1. Teasing - You find little areas of insecurity, and you play with them a little. This isn't to belittle her or make her feel bad about herself, but to demonstrate your own confidence and security by showing that you're aware of your own dominance as a man, and that you do not fear her. Teasing also lowers her guard a little so that you can reach that "real" part of her personality that she is cloaking with defensive behavior. (Sometimes called "tease to please")

2. Humor - Humor takes the edge off your teasing (sometimes called cocky/funny). Women are dying to laugh. There are so many guys out there that have ZERO humor to them. They take everything too seriously, including women, which - honestly - creeps them out. Compare: A man with humor enjoys life, is relaxed enough to find the fun in everything, and shows that he has a sense of inner calm. A man without humor is not relaxed, takes things way too seriously, and tends to smother and convey insecurity with his intense behavior.

3. Contradiction - An independent, secure guy can express his own opinion (and he MUST). You should make it a point to contradict her opinion from time to time to demonstrate that you do not need her approval. He doesn't do it to prove her wrong, but to state his own belief in clear terms. And this includes calling her on her bratty behavior, as well as taking control when the situation demands it. This may be the toughest behavior for most "nice guys" to adopt. And it will also sound radically contrary to what you've been brought up to believe by the media and your mom.

4. Detachment - Again, an independent, secure man does not NEED a woman (or other people, for that matter) for his approval. He can stand alone and separate of her opinion, and it doesn't ruffle his feathers if she doesn't like something he did or said. This means the ability to walk away, turn away, and otherwise disengage from a woman so that she understands he is not there to kiss her ass. Another way to show this is to allow for long pauses between contacts with a woman. Don't email her right back. Don't call her right back. A few days could easily pass for a guy who is overwhelmed with women, so why shouldn't it be that way for you right now? Give her a chance to miss you. (Instead of wondering why you're so desperate that you leave five messages every day.)

These are just some of the ways you can heighten the level of sexual tension between you and a woman.

Now, there are some guys out there that are afraid of raising this tension. I suspect this is partly because this kind of tension feels uncomfortable to them. It can often border on making her angry which is something that most guys are afraid to do. After all, you want her to LIKE you, right? How will making her potentially DISlike you help?

Well, it's really about a push-pull effect. The idea is to induce a gentle tug-of-war with her that will get things started. When she thinks you're going to pull, you give her slack, which throws her off balance. And that's when you pull her back in. It's just like fishing: Give her a little "line," and see if she bites. When she does, you pull in a little. (Too much too quick and you yank the hook right back out.) Then you give her a little slack so she thinks she's free, and the hook digs in a little more. Then you give it a little tug to pull her back in.

Push-pull. Reel her in, let her go.

The tension you are elevating has only one kind of outlet - sexual attraction. Sometimes it will even start out as anger and then morph into passion and lust. (Remember the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.)

You're better off with a woman that is pissed at you than one that has no feelings for you. Your knee-jerk reaction to her anger is to smooth out the problem, afraid that you've somehow lost her. When you don't NEED, you can't LOSE.

Again, passion very often starts out with a woman APPEARING to hate the man at first.

(Review how this happens in the first Indiana Jones movie, as well as the movie "The Breakfast Club," and especially the police station scene in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Yes, they are movies, but they accurately depict how this phenomenon works. And if you'll watch it closely, it may seem counter to what you might think, but at a gut level - it MAKES SENSE and feels right. This sort of thing happens all the time.)

Don't be afraid of that tension, guys. Feed off it and escalate it. This will make the difference between the guy that walks away with the sweet taste of woman on his lips... or the bland and disappointing taste of her "friendship."

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Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as "Secrets of the Alpha Male", "Approach Women - NOW!", "Alpha Immersion" and "Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion".

Never over use compliment with beautiful women, make them earn it.

Far, Far and Away

There is a point in this silly Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman romance movie. You just have to watch carefully.

I got a membership to that DVD rental service where you get your selections mailed to you, and I've been watching a lot of movies, catching up on the classics. A lot of guy movies, like "The Dirty Dozen", "Where Eagles Dare", "The Majestic Seven", and others.

I happened to put down "Far and Away" as a title, and it came up recently. Now, a lot of you are going to chuckle at that. A silly Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman romance.

But, you know, it was actually pretty watchable.

Not incredibly deep as far as a story goes, but it was nice to watch. Well-produced. And there was something I noticed about it that you ought to look at. Tom Cruise makes both the "chump" error and the "champ" corrections in the course of the movie.

Let's review them:

At first, Tom tells Nicole when she asks him if she's beautiful that "he's never seen anything like her", she basically says, "Good" and turns away from him. You can see the look in his eyes as he's saying to himself, "What the hell happened? I told her she was beautiful, and she rolled over and went to sleep. Isn't that what she wanted?"

Classic mistake when dealing with beautiful women. Never compliment their beauty before you've got them hooked. It has ZERO affect.

Later, Tom is getting some booty attention from the women at the place where he fights, and from the whores that live in his boarding house. Nicole gets bratty and jealous, acting as if she's pissed at him, but really she's just wishing she could act on her attraction. This establishes Tom as desirable by other women, jacking up her attraction even further.

Later on, Tom gets in an argument with Nicole and he throws her in a tub full of water, putting her in her place. You can see the meek manner in which she realizes how she was acting like a bitch.

She's the classical bratty beautiful woman, and Tom learns how to dominate her in the right way. All through the movie, in fact, she behaves in the classic mode of the spoiled beautiful woman who has had every man just fall at her feet.

Note how turned on she becomes when Tom fights - and especially when he fights for her.

Check this movie out sometime as part of your homework. You'll find a bunch of classical behavior patterns in here to learn from.

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Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as "Secrets of the Alpha Male", "Approach Women - NOW!", "Alpha Immersion" and "Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion".